Past Forgotten?
by Rouxal
Summary: Olivia's ex comes back looking to start anew and threatens to destroy Olivia and Alex's relationship. Alex has been hurt in the past by infidelity and tries to keep her emotions in check. Will She be able to fight the green eyed monster?
1. Chapter 1

I asked for it for Christmas but no, I don't own any of the characters. R&R Please!

* * *

_The sound of my own heels coming down the hallway sends shivers down my spine._ I could blame it on that alone or maybe the chance to see your beautiful face during the day. It doesn't seem to matter if I'm brought down by cases I know are going to be a challenge to win or maybe the case load in general. Seeing you always seems to make that feeling dissipate. We've been dating for a little over nine months now and lovely just doesn't seem to be the word to describe it. Not many people get to see the woman behind the shield, and I am very grateful that I get to every day. Your sweet smile lightens my heart, and your sexy grin makes it race. And now I just need to see those beautiful brown eyes that give me butterflies.

I open the double doors of the precinct eager to see you, only to find your desk empty. I look around and catch the eye of Elliot. He looks at me wide eyed and quickly averts his stare.

_What's gotten into him?_

Something catches my eye and I look to my right.

_What the hell?_

You come out of an interrogation room, but not empty handed. A stunning brunette with short cropped hair, beaming slate blue eyes and a satisfied smile comes in tow, with her hand on your wrist.

Finishing up her laughter, the strange woman says, "…Olivia it was great catching up with you! We have to do this again sometime. Just without the NYPD Blue background."

"Sure, just let me know when you're free and we'll meet up somehow." you smile.

"Great!" She pauses, and before she leaves, gives you a small kiss on the lips.

I can feel that familiar feeling coming up. Jealousy, but I try to keep it in check. It's always been a problem for me. I blame it on the fact that my heart was broken more than once over infidelity, and ever since then it's been a brick wall that won't let me love for another, but it's been different with you. _Think nothing of it, Alex. Just keep walking and let it go. _ That would have worked if it weren't for your excessive blushing as if you just walked in the bullpen naked. I look back at Elliot who does nothing but look from me to you. You start walking back to your desk and don't seem to notice me at all until Elliot gives you an eye jerk towards my direction. When you finally return my gaze you look like a deer caught in head lights. You straighten up and smooth your hands down your dark denim jeans and almost above a whisper say, "Hey, Alex. Something come up on the case?"

It takes a minute for me to respond to you. "Umm…no. I actually need to talk to your Captain. Is he here?"

Elliot points towards his office and without a second glance I start towards his door. I can feel your eyes on me when I knock and then enter to the sound of Don's voice. With that unexpected moment I just had, I forgot to make up a pretense of why I'm here in the first place.

* * *

I walk into my apartment and immediately feel the weight of work lift off my shoulders. Before I can kick off my second heel, my phone signals a text message with a soft tune. I open it to a screen with your name on the bright display.

"_A relaxing, romantic dinner at my place? 45 minutes?"_

I stare at the screen, debating if I should just stay in and catch up on some much needed rest or take up the almost rare opportunity of you cooking dinner. I text you back saying I'd be there in 30, change into comfortable jeans and tee, grab my keys and go for the door.

* * *

You open your door with a huge smile on your face, still holding an oven mitt.

"Hi, baby." you smile, giving me a sweet kiss.

"Hi yourself. What possessed you to cook? New fire extinguisher?" I tease.

You give me a dirty look, "No," you say reaching into the oven, "I just felt like cooking for you. I haven't done it in a while. Its lasagna, your favorite." you smile.

I just giggle, taking a seat at your kitchen table that's decorated with a fresh bouquet of red roses. I take one from the vase and inhale its scent. I close my eyes to the aroma. There is nothing like the smell of fresh red roses. I put it back and watch you. "So, how was work?"

"Nothing exciting, just paper work," you say pulling ingredients for the salad from the refrigerator to the counter top, "Only thing that seemed to be out of ordinary was Munch's lunch." You finish making the plates and bring them to the table. Moving the bouquet to the counter top, you smile, "Your favorite." I smile back as you put my plate down and hand me a knife and fork. It smells so delicious. I forgot you could cook like this. Cheese melted in all the right spots. Just the right amount of sauce…mmmm.

You sit down and start to dig in, "How was your day, sweetie?"

"Boring," I say, cutting a piece of lasagna, "Liz is making me take second chair to the Boward case only to intimidate me. She's keeping a close watch ever since that McNamara incident. I can't let something like that happen again."

"Mhm…" you mumble, starting into your salad.

I start to think about what happened earlier in the squad room. Nothing exciting, huh? I know I should probably drop it but of course my curiosity won't let that happen. I finish my bite of lasagna and ask.

"Liv, who was that woman in the squad room today?"

You stop in your tracks, but begin to chew again slowly. You take a napkin and wipe your mouth, "An old friend." you say, not even looking at me. You put your napkin down and rest your elbows on the table, picking at your food with your fork.

"Oh? You must have been best friends at some point. You seemed really close."

Still staring at your plate you respond, "Yes. Umm…she was my ex…or is my ex."

"Oh…" Sure wasn't expecting that. Now I'm starting to pick at my food. Is it contagious?

You look at me with a questioning face, but then go back to eating.

_Drop it Alex. _"You've never mentioned her before…" Why do I not listen to myself sometimes?

"Why would I? She's the past. There's not much to say."

"Well obviously she isn't the past if she turns up at your job and wanting to see you again."

"You heard that?" you say surprised, stopping everything.

"Yes." I say, continuing eating as if it's no big deal. A big stretch of silence starts. I hate this. Many conversations have ended up this way and all over the same topic.

Nothing is said for the rest of the dinner. You pick up our empty plates and load them into the dish washer.

"You want me to make some tea?" you say, already reaching for the kettle.

"Sure." I get up and cross the living room to sit on the couch with my back resting against the arm and put my feet up. Not long after that you emerge with two steaming tea cups. Putting both of them on the low coffee table, you lift my legs and sit down having them rest across your thighs. You start stroking my calf and stare off into an unknown corner that apparently only you can see. I start playing with a loose thread on the end of your shirt until your voice stirs me out of my concentration.

"Alex," you put your arm across the back of the couch, looking deep into my eyes, "There is nothing going on and nothing is going to happen," you pause, thinking carefully about your next words, "We dated two years ago. She used to live in Manhattan with a friend that I went to the academy with, so we got to know each other by her. We started hanging out and took an attraction to one another. Things just sort of clicked so we decided to take it to the next level."

I sit there, staring at your hand on my calf that slowly slides up to my knee. I should be happy with what you've said alone. Prying further will probably get me information that I'm sure I don't want to know.

I take a deep breath as you look at me. I can't seem to stop myself from wondering…

"How long were you two together?"

You look from me to your hand. Your finger that's been drawing tiny hearts on my jeans then stops. You grasp my knee and sigh, "Two and a half years."

"Wow." I say before I can stop myself. Two and a half years? We've been together for nine months and I feel like it's been forever. I can only imagine how two and a half years must have felt.

You stop playing with my thigh and reach for my hand. Intertwining our fingers together you look back at me and start to smile, "I know what you're thinking."

"What?" There's no way you could possibly…

"No, I don't have feelings for her anymore. We broke up for a reason. She didn't like the fact that I was putting my life on the line everyday for work. It started when a suspect Elliot and I were chasing just so happened to have an accomplice. Got me on the back of the head. I went to the hospital and it wasn't pretty," you stop to try and recollect, "Fourteen stitches. After that she got pretty hands on about my job. Turned out she couldn't take the stress. I broke up with her to save her the worry."

I stare at our hands linked together. I never stopped to think about the fact that I could lose you in the blink of an eye. What exactly would I do? I wouldn't be able to see you in the hospital over ignorant political policies. I'd be a wreck. Wait, don't have feelings for her anymore? So what was with the shameless blushing in the squad room after that kiss? When is she leaving again?

"Baby," your voice snaps me out of my line of thinking and I look into your deep brown eyes. "I'm having lunch with her on Thursday. I'm not really sure what she wants to talk about, but I promised her I'd meet up with her. Are you going to be ok with that?"

I think for a minute. _It's just lunch Alex, my god. Let the girl breathe and maybe try that whole trust thing. Remember that?_

"That's fine. I don't mind." _Good girl._

You smile and reach for my chin and lean in, giving me a small kiss on my lips, and then a few more.

Your kisses start to get more feral and before I know it we're reaching for each other. I switch my position from lying across to straddling your lap without our lips missing a beat. Your hands play with the bottom of my shirt, letting your thumbs caress my skin underneath. Your tongue is insistent. Reaching deep, mimicking things I'm sure it will do to me later in more sensitive areas.

Finally, you grab the bottom of my shirt lifting it over my head. You gaze at my lace bra and let your thumb flutter over my covered nipples. Instantly I feel them harden from the arousal. Your lips reach for mine as your fingers start pulling at my jeans. I help, my patience wearing thin. You undo the zipper and don't hesitate, letting one finger shallowly dip into my center careful not to touch what you know I need you to.

I immediately stop kissing you as I become distracted. You start making small circles that I'm sure are designed to drive me crazy. I brace myself, grabbing the back of the couch, my body feeling electric.

"Mmm…see what you've done to me?" God, I'm wet and you've barely done anything. You start to move your hand to more convenient places, but you're taking your time. Are you trying to drive me insane?

"Alex?"

"Hmm?" I barely realize you're talking. I'm still concentrating on your fingers as if my shear will can make them do what I desperately need them to.

"You know I only want you, right?" Your fingers are playful, but your tone is serious.

"Mhm…"

"And that I would never be unfaithful to you…ever?"

"Yes. Liv, please…"

You give me that sexy grin of yours and then without another word, reach deep inside me with two digits. It takes everything in me not to scream out my pleasure. I bite my lip hard as a slow rhythm forms and I can already feel myself contracting around your fingers, but you don't let up. You increase your tempo making long, hard strokes. I rock my hips hard against you, making your fingers go deeper inside my sex. You start to kiss me, but my lips can barely function. I'm lost in your motions and can barely catch my breath.

"Oh god, Liv…" I moan, feeding into the fire which I already know is burning inside you, encouraging you.

I clutch at your shoulders as your pumping becomes more intense. My body begins to shake, signaling the beginning of the end. Your thumb lands directly on my clit making small circles and I cry out over the contact. My breathing becomes shallow as I feel your hot breathe on my neck.

"Come for me." you whisper. My body responds immediately and with that, I'm undone.

"Jesus…Liv…yes!" I collapse on top of you, my center throbbing from the intense orgasm that wracks my body. Your fingers are still pumping inside me, coming to a slow stop. I try and stabilize my breathing, but it only becomes more strained. I rest my head on your shoulder and I can feel your smile on my neck as you kiss me, your fingers stroking my back as my body shudders.

"You ok, baby?" You say, all smug. So full of yourself.

"I will be." I say. I stay there in your arms a while regaining my strength before slowly standing to my feet. I reach for your arm and give it a tug. You look up at me with a questioning look on your face.

"Come on baby," with a small smile I say, "It's your turn."

* * *

Thursday came a little too quickly in my opinion. I try and engulf myself in work to make the thought of you going out with your ex run to the back of my mind. This really is ridiculous that I'm so insecure about it. I mean it's just lunch, but I guess the fact you and this person had a past, a very extended past may I add, makes me uncomfortable. I really have a problem.

"Knock, knock." Serena Southerlyn pokes her head in the door. "Got a minute?"

"Sure, come in."

She takes the leather seat in front of my desk and crosses her legs, putting her hands in her lap. The look of pure curiosity. She gives me a small smile, "Hate that this isn't a social call, but I have to talk business every now and then to make sure those pay checks keep coming." she starts.

"So, the Boward case. You know as well as I do that your reaching with the evidence your presenting to the jury."

"Why are you telling me? Liz is first chair."

"I know, but talking to that woman is like talking to a 5 year old that thinks they know the world already. She won't listen. I figure you could talk some sense into her. Or at least get your detectives to get out there and find more evidence. It's a big stretch Alex."

"Why do you even care? This isn't your department." I don't mean to be difficult but seriously, if I wanted a mother I'd go visit the good ol' Cabot estate.

"Branch isn't letting anything slip. He knows we went to trial on this a tad bit too early and trying to catch him on some pretty minuscule crimes. If we lose something so small simply for being too hasty we'll never hear the end of it."

"True." I'm starting to really dislike this case.

"So now that we got that out of the way," She squints her eyes at me and cocks her head, "You ok? I mean you look like you're under stress? It's not that big of a case, Alex"

I give her a small smile, "A lot on my mind."

"Oh, woman troubles perhaps?" she asks, giving me a sad smile.

"Something like that." Serena was the only person in the office that knew and it turned out to be a great relief. Even though I wasn't sure if telling her would be the best for risk of it becoming office gossip, but Serena and I became great friends over the years. On one of those hard nights where I was a wreck not knowing what our future held for us, she came and visited me asking what was going on, that I hadn't been myself lately. I knew that she also preferred the fairer sex, but for some reason telling her took a lot for me to do. I guess when I'm so used to being a very private person and not letting anyone in, it's hard to let one person slip. Serena knows I'm gay, but doesn't know I'm with you. All she knows is that I've been with an anonymous person for the last several months. That's one secret I'd like to keep. Another is that honestly, if it weren't you, then it would probably be Serena… _Did I just think that? Whoa, Cabot._

I'm pulled out of my reverie by silence and I stare at her. She obviously said something…

"Alex?"

"I'm sorry, what?"

"I said would you like to talk about it? I have the time."

"Oh, it's really nothing. Her ex is in town and wants to have lunch today. She really doesn't know what it's about."

"Have you talked to her today?"

"Not really." Last time I talked to you was this morning on our way out the door. You spent the night after a late movie and dinner. Usually around this time I would get a call or a text from you, something.

"Don't make a big deal about it. I know you have your past and your trials and error, but making a big deal isn't going to help your relationship any, especially over something as small as lunch." She stands up and gives me a knowing look, "Trust her. Don't make her pay for past girlfriend mistakes."

She leaves saying she'll catch up with me later. I get back to work, making the train of thought go to the back of my mind.

* * *

_Working late has got to have some kind of advantage._ I kick off my heels and leave my brief case at the door, stripping out of my clothes as I walk towards the bedroom. I change into some sweats and an old t-shirt and make my way to the refrigerator. I put together a small plate of strawberries and pineapple and sit on the couch with remote already in tow. Immediately lifetime plays across the screen. _I cannot believe we actually got sucked into a lifetime movie last night._ Speaking of you, I haven't gotten a call from you all day. I spoke with Elliot earlier, but that was purely business and I didn't feel comfortable talking to him about you for some reason. He already knows you and I have been in a relationship. I guess him knowing is going to take some getting used to.

I grab my phone from my brief case and give you a call. "_Hey, you've reached Olivia Benson…"_ straight to voice mail. _Ok?_

I look at the microwave clock that tells me its 9:43. _You should be home by now at least._

I wonder if I should go to your apartment and surprise you. Maybe another late Lifetime movie on your couch? You put one of my suits in your closet and a toothbrush in your bathroom should I ever choose to sleep over one night. It is raining a little tonight, but nothing I can't handle.

Without another thought I make a small over-night bag, put on a pair of running shoes, grab my keys and umbrella and head for the door.

* * *

I get to your apartment and let my umbrella down. Instead of ringing the bell, I decide to use the key you gave me. I feel weird using it every time I do, but I guess you gave it to me for a reason, right?

I make my way up the stairs and come to your door and put the key in the knob, hearing it unlock and before entering I knock three times.

"Liv?" I walk in and start towards your living room.

_What the…_


	2. Chapter 2

The woman I saw before in the squad room is now on your couch…shirtless… wearing a black lace bra. She's smiling until she looks at me, now with shock and a tad bit of fear in her eyes.

I can barely move. I'm frozen in place until I see you coming out of your bedroom with a shirt over your shoulder. You stop when you see me.

"Alex," You say with a tad bit of shock and warning, as if I better not even think of saying what you damn well know is on my mind. You walk to her and hand her one of your old NYPD t-shirts. She smiles and whispers a 'thank you' as she slips it over her head.

"Alex, this is Lisa. Lisa, Alex."

Lisa stands and walks over to me with her hand extended, "It's so nice to meet you."

I stare at her hand and back to her, not obliging. She takes two steps back and clears her throat nervously, "You must be her…girlfriend. She's told me a lot about you."

I give her a faint, quick smile and look back to you. You give me a look that says '_Don't even try it'_ and I try very hard to keep my cool.

Lisa looks from you to me. She eyes me and walks towards you announcing her departure. "I think it's time I take my leave. Olivia it was very nice catching up with you again, and thanks for the shirt," she gives you a strong hug and when you pull apart she runs her hands down the back of your arms to your hands and holds them, "I would really like if we could do this again sometime…in the near future." _Over my dead body. _She reaches up and gives you a slow, small kiss on your cheek.

You give her a smile as she walks towards the door. She gives me a grin that I can only classify as menacing and opens the door. When she's finally gone, we just stare at each other, no one moving.

You try and clear the mood, your face breaking into a small smile as you make your way towards me, "I wasn't expecting you, baby." You say, trying to give me a hug, but I put my hand to your collarbone, keeping you at arms length.

"Are you kidding me? What the hell was that?!" I raise my voice, my mind trying to remind me to keep cool.

"Alex, please. We had to cancel lunch because I fell behind at work. We decided to do dinner instead-"

"And dinner consists of her being half naked on your couch? Why the hell was she here in the first place?!" I cut you off. You back away from me and I can tell you're starting to get angry.

"We went to the Italian restaurant down the street from here, and if you would have taken a moment and looked at the world around you, you would notice that it's been pouring out. When we were walking back we got caught in it and I offered to let her borrow one of my shirts. Jesus, Alex." My mood doesn't change. You give me a look that signals you're giving up. You reach for my hand.

"Please Alex, can we just sit on the couch. I wanna talk to you about what happened. Just… please?" I don't move at first, but finally I take your hand as we make our way to the couch. We sit down and I make an effort to put enough space between us. You sigh and try to scoot closer, but my glare stops you in your tracks. You hold my stare and I'm sure against your better judgment, slide closer to me anyway, putting your arm on the back of the couch, your hand on my knee. I tense to your touch, not really wanting to feel you at all right now. You sense my body language, but don't move. Looking at the floor and then to me, you finally speak.

"Alex, before I start, promise me you won't make this a big deal."

I fold my arms and cross my legs staring at the coffee table that lies before us. You reposition your hand on my thigh and with a deep breath continue.

"I knew there had to be a reason why she would come all the way back to New York. I just couldn't put my finger on it." You pause, as if trying to give yourself the courage to continue. "When she walked into the squad room that day I couldn't even believe it was her. She has no family here and not a lot of friends that I could remember. She said she wanted to speak with me, but didn't want to do it there. At dinner tonight she let me know…" Again you pause, then sigh heavily and whisper, "She felt she made a mistake two years ago."

My head falls slowly to the back of the couch. God, this is exactly what I was dreading. And it doesn't help that you look almost contemplative, as if you're deciding, weighing out the odds…

I almost don't want to ask how you responded, but I know better than that. I look back at you and can almost feel tears come to my eyes as if you've already made a decision. You're still staring at the carpet when you continue.

"She said that my job shouldn't have come between us. That she was dating me and not my work. She tried some relationships after we split, but felt like they paled in comparison. Finally, she decided to try again…with me. That's when I told her about you." You look me in the eyes as you finish your sentence, and I return your gaze.

"I let her know how madly in love with you I am. That we have more in these nine months then we had together in those two years. There is nothing in the world that would make me give that up, even her." You give me that sexy grin that always makes me melt. I give a small smile back and look at the carpet.

"Alex?" You lift my chin to you and kiss my lips softly. "I love you. One day you'll see that." You smile. "You believe me don't you?"

I give you a knowing smile and kiss you again. Of course I know, but my jealousy clouds over that sometimes. I feel foolish and don't know what to say other than, simply, "I'm sorry."

"It's fine," you take my hand in yours and look into my eyes, "Alex, I know you've had a troubled past with relationships. I just kind of write this off as us growing together."

You raise my hand to your lips and I feel a blush come to my cheeks. Why do I even worry in the first place?

"Now she does still want to see me-"

"Oh my God!" I roll my eyes and throw up my hands dramatically as you give out a cheerful laugh. You're still giggling when I stand to my feet, pulling you with me. You lace our fingers together and give me another kiss.

"Why didn't I hear from you today? You didn't call or anything."

"I don't know if you remember, but I ended up spending the night _accidentally_ once you got us sucked into a lifetime movie. I had no cell phone charger with me. It finally died around 11 o' clock this morning." You smile and return your lips to mine. The kisses are playful at first, but quickly deepen until they're making me breathless. You unlace our fingers and grab my hips, bringing my body closer to yours. I wrap my hands in your hair and moan when I feel your tongue licking my lower lip, asking for entrance. I happily let you in, your tongue exploring my mouth intensely. My breathing becomes ragged and I pull apart from you, giving you a sexy smile of my own. I bring my hands to your face, my thumb caressing your cheek.

"I want you to know that I am sorry, Liv. Really. It's just hard sometimes." I pull out of your embrace and hold your hand, giving you a shy smile, "As a matter of fact… I'd like to show you just how sorry I am…" I pull you towards the bedroom hoping that my actions will tell you just how much I appreciate you putting up with me. Being with me.

We move to your room and you immediately wrap your arms around my waist, kissing my neck, nibbling and sucking the pressure point by my pulse. My body almost weakens as you take your hands inside my shirt and caress my heated skin. I suck in a breath and try to regain control, wanting this to be all for you. I kiss your lips hungrily. You moan as I run my hands up your sides and travel to your bra. My thumbs find your nipples and they harden instantly under my touch. I love how your body responds to me. I let my fingers trail down your skin to your jeans and I feel your stomach flutter. Your button becomes undone and your zipper pulled down, I don't pull off your jeans though. Instead I aim for your shirt, pulling it over your head. Before I can even hear the soft thud of the shirt hitting the floor, you're pulling your pants off.

I giggle at your impatience as you begin to reach for your bra. I smile and watch as you throw it across the room to the chair that's placed in front of the window. I kiss and lower you to the bed, careful not to press my body against you. I stand up and reach for my own shirt, seductively pulling it over my head. I can feel your lustful gave burning on my skin, watching my every move. I drop it to the floor and start on my pants. Slowly I undo them and wiggle my body until they reach the carpeted floor.

I cross the bed and slide my body against yours and run my tongue up your neck and to your earlobe, pulling it into my mouth. You let out a soft moan that travels like electricity through my body right to my core. I direct my lips elsewhere and try to give a small kiss to your jaw, but you catch my lips and kiss me back savagely. You reach for my bra, unhooking it and I let you. Strong, practiced fingers taking it off in seconds. I hear it hit the floor with a soft pang. The feel of your breast against my own is enough to send me to new heights of arousal. I kiss my way to the valley of your chest then move my lips to more satisfying places. I lick soft circles around your nipple and pull it into my mouth, sucking lightly then biting. You hiss at the pain, but whimper and sigh as I let my tongue soothe my assault. Your hands find themselves tangled in my hair as I move to the other puckered peak.

Your hips are rising underneath me and I know I have you. I slowly kiss my way down your stomach and feel your muscles contract around my lips. I get to your panties and slowly peel them off. I'm greeted with the sweet smell of your arousal. I love that I can make you feel this way. I try not to get ahead of myself as I lift your legs over my shoulders, kissing your inner thigh. Your sweet smell is intoxicating and I try to take even breaths as I lick my way slowly to your center.

"Alex, please…" You whimper, digging your fingers in my hair and guiding me to where you need me the most. I still take my time and lick your outer lips feeling your body shudder beneath me. Then, without warning, I plunge my tongue deep inside you and feel your hand fist my hair hard.

"Alex!" You let go, but immediately grab the sheets as if they're the only thing anchoring you. I let my tongue slide up to your clit and slowly lick circles around before bringing it into my lips.

Your cries get louder and I hear the scrunching of the sheets as my tongue continues to lap at your sweet juices, going in and out of your center. You rock your hips violently, meeting my tongues every stroke. I feel your body pulsing around me and I know it's time. Before you come I thrust two fingers deep inside you, curling them to touch the spot I know you love, feeling the power of your orgasm.

"Oh God…fuck!" Your body shudders and collapses on the bed, perspiration visible on your body as it glows from the moon light. I slow down my fingers, but don't stop them, coaxing the last waves of your orgasm.

I kiss my way up your body to your lips. Your tongue slides into my mouth without hesitation and I kiss back hard, my fingers picking up their pace deep inside your sex. Within seconds you're writhing underneath me again, bucking your hips and making me go deeper as you moan in my mouth.

Your body looks like sheer bliss. Your head thrown back with your eyes tightly shut. Your hand behind you, pressing hard against the headboard while the other is clinched deep onto my ass. The sight itself is enough to make me go over the edge.

"Oh, yes…Alex!" You scream my name as your sex convulses around my fingers, triggering my own orgasm.

"God, Liv…" I bite into your neck as we collapse together on the bed. Breathing hard, I rest my head on your chest and can feel your heart going a mile a minute. Your breathing finally slows down, but still ragged as you reach for the cover and pull it over us. I kiss your chest as you wrap me in your arms making me feel safe, warm…and loved.

I smile into your skin then look into your eyes. "I love you, Olivia Benson."

* * *

Everything has been going smoothly since our little fall out two weeks ago, almost peaceful. Work has been going my way. Liz hasn't been on my ass and actually let me have my first chair back for the Boward case. You've been working late for the past couple days. A new case that I'm not sure I would be able to work. An eight year-old girl molested and then later murdered. Most think it was someone in the family which hit you hard emotionally. You would call me at night almost in tears about a new development that makes it even more heartbreaking. I'm sure I'll see the crime scene photos later, but from what you've described to me I don't think I want to.

I worked a little late today and feel exhausted. I pack up my suitcase and take a glance at my watch. _8:30pm. I swear I have to get out of the habit of this. _I lock my office door and make my way to the elevator. It's eerily quiet in the building as I look down the hallway with no one in sight. There is no way I'm the only one in the building. Suddenly my cell phone sounds off making my whole body jump. I dig in my brief case and look at the screen which announces it's you.

"Hey, baby." I say, still a little out of breath.

"_Hey. You OK?"_

"Yeah, the phone just scared me that's all. Are you home?"

"_No, looks like I might be having an all-nighter at the station. We have a suspect's phone tapped and expect him to make a call to the parents tonight so, we're waiting on that. Which brings me to why I called you, Love," _you pause and respond to someone in the background then continue, _"Umm…I need you to do me a favor. Can you stop by my apartment and make an overnight bag for tomorrow? I'm not exactly sure if I'm going to make it home tonight."_

"Sure, I don't mind," I apparently have nothing else to do tonight since your working, "but, wouldn't it look a little off if I'm the one delivering your overnight bag?" Sometimes, I hate sneaking around.

"_I can have Elliot meet you outside."_

"Ok." I sigh heavily, now making my way to the parking garage.

"_You sure you're ok? You sound a little beat."_

"I'm fine. I just thought I would be able to see you tonight that's all."

"_I know, I'm sorry baby, but as soon as this case is over I'll make it up to you, ok?" _you say, and I can tell your grinning into the phone. I can only imagine of how you'll 'make it up to me'. My body involuntarily shivers.

"OK baby, I'll be there in a little. Love you."

"_Love you too baby, and thank you."_

* * *

I get to your apartment and it's absolutely freezing in here. I look at your heater which is switched off. I guess you saw no point in running it since you haven't been here the last couple of days. In your bedroom I grab a small NYPD bag out of your closet and stuff a pair of jeans, two shirts, some sweats, a pair of underwear and a bra and head towards your bathroom to get some toiletries.

I'm grabbing your toothpaste when I hear a knock at the door. _That's weird._ I walk towards the door and ask who it is.

"_Just open it." _

And when I do my anger immediately rises.

It's Lisa. _How did this bitch even get in the building?_

"What do you need?" I say, trying not to sound as harsh as I kind of want it to be.

She gives me a snotty smile and says, "Your girlfriend. Is she here?" She makes her way into the apartment as if someone invited her in.

"No, she's not. Again, what do you need?"

"Oh, you can really drop the attitude."

"Excuse me?" This woman needs to go. Now.

"I came to check on Olivia. She seems so down lately. I figure I'd come cheer her up." she says with that stupid sly grin on her face.

"I'm sure I do that for her just fine. Now, if there is nothing else, I would like you to leave."

She finishes looking around and walks up to me, hands on her hips. "Look, Alex? That's your name right?" I don't say anything but, she continues. "I understand all the hostility, I really do. I think I'd feel the same way in your position. I mean, we were together for two and a half long years compared to your measly nine months. And it's very obvious she still has feelings for me-"

"Get out." I say a little above a whisper. I'm trying very hard to keep my anger in check.

"Look, Alex," she walks towards me again, invading my personal space, "I came back to this city to get her back. I still love her and I know she still loves me. If that weren't the case she wouldn't have given me this." She holds up a small key which I quickly recognize as the one that opens the down stairs door to get in. "I mean, did she even tell you that she gave me this? Or that we've been talking just about every night since your little hissy fit?"

_Stay calm Alex, she's probably making this all up to bait you._ I say nothing, trying to breathe evenly.

"She told me all about your little trust problem too. It's a pity but, who can blame you? I mean look at her. That sexy smile, those soft lips…and don't get me started on the sex."

"Look, Lisa? Is that your name?" My anger is reaching its peak, either she leaves willingly or I make her, "Olivia already has me. You need to respect our relationship by leaving her the hell alone. She broke up with you for a reason. Why don't you just move on? She already has." I'm seconds away from punching her in her face, which is way out of character for my "Good girl, Bad girl" a talk with mother.

"Oh, dear, broke up with _me_? Is that what she told you?" She makes a sinister laugh seeing the look on my face.

She continues, "Listen, I usually get what I want if I set my mind to it and right now, I want Olivia back, and if you think I'm going to let some pale, skinny little ADA of a girlfriend stop me? You have another thing coming."

She walks towards the door and opens it but, before leaving she looks back at me, "That's a promise, Alexandra Cabot." and slams the door.

I'm so furious I could throw something! _The nerve of that bitch! _I pace up and down your living room, fuming. Get what you want? Pale little ADA? Still have feelings for her?! And did you lie to me saying you broke up with her when she says it's the other way around?

I could scream right now. My heart is pounding a mile a minute. I am so angry I can't even think straight. You gave her a key? What the hell?

I grab your bag out of the bathroom and throw the rest of your stuff in it. I storm out of your apartment, slamming the door behind me.


	3. Chapter 3

I park the car a small way from the station and text message you saying that I'm here. I get out the car and wait for Elliot to emerge into the street lights, almost glad I'm not seeing you right now. I glare at my phone to look at the time. It's a little cold out and I wish Elliot would come on. I look back up to see a figure walking towards me, but it's not tall and muscular like him. That's when I realize it's you.

You walk up to me with a smile on your face but, it immediately drops when you see the expression on mine.

"What's wrong?" you say, reaching for my hand but I quickly pull it away.

I blink and try to push the anger back down.

"Lisa…she came by your apartment while I was there."

"Oh…" you say looking down at my hand reaching for it again, but I snatch it away.

"Oh? That's all you have to say? What the hell is she still coming to your apartment for?" I can feel the emotions rising again and struggle to keep them down.

"She's still a friend, Alex, regardless if she's my ex or not." I can tell you're getting irritated.

"Yeah, a friend that still wants you back."

"What the hell are you talking about? I already told her-"

"She came and barged into your apartment saying that she came in to town to get you back and the fact that you've had a girlfriend for nine damn months isn't going to stop her!"

"That doesn't mean I'm going to let her, Alex!"

"And she said that you've been talking ever since that shit happened two weeks ago, and you didn't even tell me." I can feel the tears welling in my eyes but I refuse to let them fall.

"I was scared you were going to over react. Kind of what you're doing now may I add! She's been needing someone to talk to ok? It's not that big of a deal."

"And giving her a key to your door is what? A token of your friendship?" I'm more than besides myself now and the fact that you see nothing wrong with this doesn't help at all.

"I just kind of gave it to her. I'm sorry but, this is ridiculous. She doesn't even mean that much to me!"

"Oh, yeah? Then why can't you tell her to move on like you already have? Why can't you let her go?"

You don't say anything. You just stare past me and down the street.

"Huh, Olivia?" You finally look me in the eye, but don't say anything.

I make a small, sarcastic laugh. "So that's it, huh? You still have feelings for her?" I back away from you, the realization immediately breaking my heart.

"No, Alex that's not-"

"Then what is it then?" You look at me searching for words, but drop your hands when none come out.

"Fuck you, Liv" I grab your bag and throw it at you and try to get back in the car.

"Alex, please…" you grab my arm, hard, but I quickly snatch it away.

"Don't touch me, Olivia."

"Alex!"

I slam the door and speed off. My heart feels empty; I can't even believe this is happening. All because this bitch wants you back. I stop at the light and put my head to the steering wheel, finally letting my tears fall. I reach for my phone and call the only person who can help me. Who I know will listen.

"Serena? Hi. I know it's late but…I really need someone to talk to…"

* * *

When Serena's door comes into view as I walk down the hall, I start to think how this would have been if I didn't have her to talk to. She has helped me out on so many things and is starting to be my sanctuary from everything that troubles me lately. I knock on the door and wait. I can hear cabinets slamming from the other side and her saying "One second" as she get things neat. As I'm waiting, my cell goes off to a very familiar ringtone. It's you. I reach in my purse and press "ignore" then turn the ringer off completely.

I'm startled by the door suddenly opening. "Hi, come on in. I just had to tidy it up a little." she says with a wide smile.

"Tidy it up? I could have sworn you were a neat freak. Tidying up for you is like washing the one plate that's in the sink." I joke, making my way into the apartment which, as I expected, is nothing short of spotless. Besides the couple of files open on the coffee table, I would really consider her to have a problem.

"We can sit in here. I was working on a few cases but, I needed a change of pace," she says as I sit on the couch, taking off my jacket, "Can I get you anything? Coke? Orange juice? Vodka?" she says the last one with a giggle.

"I'm fine actually."

"Good, because I'm out of vodka." she sits down on the couch next to me. Her proximity is close, but not uncomfortable. "So tell me about what's troubling you."

"Her ex came to the apartment while I was there and…told me some things that Oli- that my girlfriend didn't."

"Like?"

"Oli-, my girlfriend, told me that she broke up with her ex because she couldn't take her jobs stress. That's not exactly true." I say with a sigh.

"Well, what is the truth?"

"I don't know, I talked to her earlier but we got into an argument before I could ask. Oli-, I mean…" I sigh, my head falling back to the couch. This is hard to do. I guess I should just spit it out…

"Serena, its Olivia. Olivia Benson."

Her jaw almost hit's the floor. "Wait. Detective Olivia Benson? Your detective?"

"Yes…"

"Wow, all this time…" she trails off.

"Yeah."

"Wow. It's all coming to me now."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"The heated arguments, the glaring looks, I thought maybe you two just had a mutual attraction. Now I find she's actually the one you've been dating for the past nine months."

"Serena, if this gets out…"

"Hey," she says putting her hands to her heart, "Your secret has always been safe with me hasn't it? This is no different." she says, putting her arm on the back of the couch behind my head.

"Thank you." I say with a small smile.

"No problem. So what else happened?"

"Well, she gave her a key…"

"A key? To her apartment?" she says, her eyebrows furrowing.

"You could basically say that. It was the key to the downstairs door. That's one detail that still bothers me. A key I had to fight and earn her trust for. I remember when she gave it to me and how special I felt because I knew we were headed in the right direction, that this wasn't going to be just some fling between me and a co-worker. It was receiving that key that I realized I loved her. I felt like it not only represented the key to her place, but a key to her heart. The fact that she nonchalantly gave one to her ex…hurts." I'm almost on the verge of tears but I will them to stay put.

"I understand how that would hurt. What did she say about it?"

"She said she 'just kind of gave it to her'. No big deal and wouldn't even answer me when asked if she still had feelings for her."

"Hmm…" she bites her bottom lip and thinks. "And how long had they been together?"

"Two and a half years."

"Wow." she says raising her eyebrows.

"Yes. You see where I'm coming from? Olivia has never given me doubt before, but ever since Lisa came it's been all downhill. I guess I just need reassurance that I'm not over reacting and this isn't just my trust issues flaring up like a yeast infection or something."

We both laugh and she puts her hand on my knee. "Alex you're not crazy or anything. I would be a little concerned too if I were in your shoes right now, but you are a very attractive, beautiful woman. Olivia will realize what she's doing and straighten up. She is very stubborn, but she'll come around." She smiles rubbing my knee, a touch that sends a gentle jolt to my core. "You know it's pretty late. You can spend the night here if you like."

"Oh no, I don't want to intrude…"

"Hey, I offered. As far as I know that's not intruding." she says standing up. "It's fine."

"Ok, sure. This is actually comfortable." I say patting the couch softly.

"Don't be silly. My bed is a California king. We can both sleep in there."

"Umm…sure. Ok."

"Come on." she reaches for my hand and helps me up, guiding me to her bedroom. She gives me a pair of sweats and an old t-shirt that looks like its vintage.

"I'm gonna finish up with these cases and be to bed in a little." she says leaving the room as I snuggle in her huge and miraculously comfortable bed. Well this is not how I envisioned my night going. In another woman's bed. I think about you and how it came to be like this. Your soft face and features come into my mind, invading my thoughts. I feel myself drifting with the vision of you…

* * *

In my semi-consciousness, I feel a body next to me and I immediately snuggle closer to it, putting my arm around. My day ahead runs through my mind like every morning. Things I have to do, people I have to talk to, interrogations I have to sit in. My hand lifts and I feel soft lips grace the skin. I moan and smile snuggling closer, but then realization hits me. This isn't my bed. This isn't your bed. _What the? _I crack my eyes open and see blonde hair.

My body immediately jumps away. Shock apparently on my face as Serena laughs.

"Whoa, Cabot. Take it easy." she says reaching for my hands.

"God," my head hit's the pillow. "What time is it?"

"Time for us to get up." she says with a smile.

"How can you be so happy this early in the morning?"

"Look who I'm waking up next to." she says smiling. Our eyes lock and there's a silence but not an awkward quiet. It's like this for several seconds as her eyes drift to my lips and there's a familiar tingle that travels my body. She bites her bottom lip, but suddenly pulls away.

"I guess I better get up now." Standing up, she makes her way to the door. "I'm going to make some coffee. You want a cup?"

"Sure."

"How do you like it?"

I pause, that tingle refusing to go away. "Umm...black. No cream, two sugars."

My eyes follow her body as she leaves the room. _Get a grip Alex._ I reach for my phone beside the bed and check it. Eight missed calls, seven from you and one from Cragen, with four voicemails.

I sigh, debating if I should even check them. Maybe some time away from you would be good for me. _Yeah right, Cabot._ I dial the number to my voice message box and listen carefully.

"_You have four new messages. First message: 'Alex, it's me, Liv. Could you please call me back I really want to talk to you.' End of message to replay this message-_

I press seven, deleting the message and listen to the next. _"Next message: 'Alex, please pick up the phone? I'm sorry that this ever even happened…I know I have some explaining to do, I just really want to talk to you. I love you. Bye' End of message. _Seven. _Next message: 'Alex, I'm outside your apartment, but you don't seem to be home. Are you…with someone else? Please call me back, baby. Please.' End of message. _

I sigh at that one. Maybe I should just call you back. Or maybe I should just let this blow over and talk to you later on today. I press seven and listen to the last message.

_Next message: 'Alex, this is Cragen. For some reason Olivia is really worried about where you are. I was calling to make sure everything is ok. Have a good night Ms. Cabot.' End of message._

Serena walks in with two coffee cups in tow. Handing me a cup she says, "I'm gonna hop in the shower. Did you want to-"

"I'm just going to go and shower at my place. Better leave now if I want to get to the office in time." I say, rising in the bed. I get up and start to pick up yesterdays clothes and ball them up.

"Ok? Well I'll show you to the door." she walks to me and guides me out with her hand on the small of my back. My shoes are by the couch were I left them last night and I stop to put them on, all the while she watches me. We get to the door and I sigh as she opens it for me leaning on it.

"Thank you, for last night Serena. I really appreciate it."

"No problem. You know you can come to me with anything, Alex."

And there it is. The awkward pause again. We stare at each other not really knowing what to do. I break the silence, slightly rocking back and forth.

"I'm gonna get going."

"Ok sure. Umm… I'll see you later."

I start walking towards the elevator, not really hearing the click of the door closing until I'm half way down the hallway. Not really knowing what to make of the whole situation. I know I was half awake but that was definitely a kiss she gave me on my hand. I step inside the elevator, hoping that it's really all in my mind. Serena has definitely been there for me on more than one occasion. She listens when I need someone and tells me the truth when its best._ I bet a girl wouldn't have to worry about how she feels when her ex comes in town. _

I push that thought out of my mind and press the button that glows "Lobby", hoping that today will be just a little brighter than the last.

* * *

Walking down the hallway in my office building after a quick lunch break, I check my cell phone for the time, also noticing that there are no missed calls and no text messages. _Maybe you want to wait it out too?_ I open my office door to stacks of manila folders on the two chairs that rest in front of my desk. _What a nice way to come back to work. _Leaving the door ajar, I drop my brief case on the back sofa and start going through them, trying to recognize where they could have come from.

"Knock, knock." I turn to see Liz right outside my door with a snaky smile on her face. "I see you got the folders. These are all from the Davis case. They recovered the actually contract that idiot signed stating that the hit man would follow through on attacking and raping his fiancé. I don't know why, it's not like he could take it to a lawyer if there were a breach of contract. Inside, there are dumped phone calls, credit card transactions-"

"I'm supposed to have time to go through this when?" I swear this woman thinks I'm super ADA.

"Whenever you feel free. Of course if you need the time I can take over the Boward case. You know. Help you out with the load." She's says with a smile I know is not innocent.

"Why do you want that case so badly?" I say crossing my arms.

"Something to do really."

"You can have it. Apparently I have bigger things to tend to." I say gesturing towards the stack of folders which I feel are taunting me from my chairs.

"Thank you Alex, and uh, keep up the good work."

She leaves me with a questioning look on my face, and I turn towards the stacks going through them once more. _I thought going through these were what detectives are for. Can't they just highlight the important parts?_

"Whoa." I turn to see Serena at my door; a shocked expression plays on her face. "So, who hates you this week?" she walks towards a stack of folders in the second chair, blindly flipping through them.

"Maybe Liz? And for no good reason." I stop searching through them and hear the papers snap back as I let them go. I sigh and turn towards Serena and watch her finger through some papers.

"Why do you have these?"

"I guess Liz's tactic was to bombard me with other work so she can take over the Boward case. I don't know what she finds so interesting about it."

She takes a step towards me, into my personal space and whispers, "You know I hear it has something to do with the Ron Boward guy. Rumor has it that she actually knows him from a previous altercation."

"Why would she even consider- Branch would have a cow if he found out." I say returning the whisper.

"I don't know." she says conclusively and sighs, but does not move from her spot. Her eyes gaze into mine and I watch as hers slowly drift to my lips. My heart is beating faster than normal and it takes everything in me not to gulp visibly.

"Umm…I want to say thank you again…for last night." the sound almost above a whisper. Serena takes a minute to respond and I start to think she didn't hear me.

"It's fine…"

Her lips are mere inches from mine and I can't resist the gravitational pull between us. She comes closer and I can smell the mint of her breath, the subtle notes of her perfume. Her right hand raises and tucks a stray hair behind my ear, her thumb floating down to rest on my cheek. I feel myself going towards her and close my eyes. We kiss. A soft kiss that only lasted for mere seconds, but seems like minutes. _Alex, what the hell are you doing?! You have a girlfriend remember? Fight or no fight! _Alarms go off in my head, and I try to break myself from her.

"Serena, I can't-"

"Shh, Alex. It's ok." She says as her thumb caresses my skin softly. _This is not ok Alex! In no state is it ok! This is not-!_

Her next kiss stops my thoughts in their tracks. Deeper than the first and more insistent. I involuntarily moan and lose myself in the softness of her lips, the gentleness in her touch.

And that's when I hear it. The sound of the door opening. We jump from each other as my thoughts try to come back to consciousness. I turn quickly to see who's caught us, hoping it's not Liz.

But it's not…


	4. Chapter 4

…_And that's when I hear it. The sound of the door opening. We jump from each other as my thoughts try to come back to consciousness. I turn quickly to see who's caught us, hoping it's not Liz, but it's not._

* * *

It's you.

You stand at the door, your face in shock but you don't say a word. I glance over to Serena and her face is completely mortified and crimson red.

"Oh my God." I sigh, taking my glasses off and rubbing the bridge of my nose.

"I-I better get going." Serena says eyeing you carefully and in a quick glance, checks to see if you have your gun. She squeezes by you out the door, but your eyes stay on me as if you don't even notice Serena leaving.

After a few seconds you slowly close the door behind you, your eyes not once wavering. My heart is beating a thousand times a minute and at the same time its sinking.

"What…the fuck was that, Alex?" you say barely above a whisper.

I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should run towards you and hold you, or if I should be utterly terrified. You walk towards me when I don't answer, but slowly come to a stop few feet away from me and ask again, but much louder, causing me to jump.

"What the fuck was that, Alex?!"

"I-I don't… Olivia-"

"Is that who you were with last night?" I don't know what to say_. What am I supposed to say?_

"Answer me!" Your harsh tone making my body jump once more and my heart to sink even lower.

"Yes, but Liv, it's not what you think-"

"Did you sleep with her?"

"No! No, not in that sense."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?!"

"We didn't have sex, Liv! Is that what you want to hear?!" We can't have this argument here. This isn't some random street where we can curse each other until we both turn blue. This is my office. I cannot have this fight here.

"So, what? You just slept in the same bed? Nothing happening? After I walk in here and your tongue is practically down her throat I'm supposed to believe that?!"

"Liv, there is nothing going on between Serena and I. The kiss…it just happened." I try and lower my voice praying to God that you do the same.

"So, is it _just going to happen _every time I mess up, Alex? Is that my punishment? You running off with someone else?" Your voice is thick and I can see the unshed tears in your deep brown eyes.

"No, please…baby," I walk towards you and reach for your arm but you snatch it away from me, making my whole body recoil.

"Don't even think of calling me baby right now…"

"Liv, Olivia. I just needed someone to talk to. I was pissed off last night and I just needed someone to listen to me, to comfort me-"

"I called you at least five times, even left you messages," you say, anger in your voice staring at the wood floor between us, "I would have done anything to talk to you last night. I wanted to explain myself, but I guess answering the phone is hard for you to do when you're getting your brains fucked out at the time." you spit those last words out and they immediately anger me. My fist ball, but I try to keep cool and remind myself of my surroundings.

"Liv, we didn't have sex. I promise you that." I say, reaching for you again. And this time you let me. I grasp your forearm and try to pull you closer to me, but you don't move, so I move closer to you. You look deep into my eyes and I'm unable to see or feel as if I'm getting anywhere with you. Your face showing nothing but disgust and anger.

"I remember another promise you made. The one where you said you would always be faithful to me. What happened to that lovely promise?" The rising level in your voice catches me off guard.

"And your one to talk? Did you hear from Lisa last night? I'm sure you did!" I say backing away from you with a snotty tone, knowing this really isn't going to help this situation.

"Yeah! And I ignored all of her phone calls, the same way you did mine." You look at me, hurt evident in your eyes and under a whisper you ask, "How could you, Alex? I mean, yes I gave her a key to the door and yes I kept in contact with her and didn't tell you, but I never once, not once, cheated on you with her. This…hurts Alex." A single tear runs down your cheek and my hard ball persona drops immediately as my heart crumbles. I see you start towards the door and I rush to stop you.

"Liv, please," I grab your hand and thankfully you stop, never parting your eyes with the floor, "I never meant or intended for it to happen. I…lost myself for a minute. I know it sounds cliché, but it really meant nothing. Serena and I are nothing but friends and it has always been and will remain that way. I love _you_, Liv. Look at me." When you refuse, I reach for your chin and motion until your eyes are locked with mine, and inside them I see…defeat. "I love you, Olivia."

I try to place a soft kiss on your lips, but you don't give in. You tear your lips from mine and remove my hand from yours.

"Bye, Alex."

You walk out my door not even bothering to close it, and possibly…my life. How could I let this happen? How could I have been so stupid? Why didn't I just stop Serena? Why didn't I just call you back last night? I go to my desk and plop in my chair, burying my face in my hands. I feel the liquid heat drip between my fingers as I finally let the tears fall.

* * *

I wouldn't be able to say how the rest of my day went. I was spaced out for most of it. People came in and out of my office, asking about this and that. I just went through the motions. Carried myself how I would any other day. On the outside I was a robot. On the inside I felt like a part of me died. Every once in a while I would catch myself staring into the wood of my desk. Thinking of you. I thought to try and call you many times, but I knew they would all lead to voicemail. I feel…hopeless.

I once again have to snap myself out of my reverie. Looking at the clock on my desk I realize I should probably go, but coming home to an empty apartment doesn't seem attractive to me. Regardless I get up and start packing my brief case.

As I snap the lock and reach for my jacket I see someone enter my office slowly in the corner of my eye. Serena stands there looking sheepish. Full of guilt. I proceed to pull on my jacket, ignoring her.

"Alex, I think we should talk."

"I don't think that's necessary." I say picking up my briefcase and walking past her out the door of my office.

"Alex." she calls after me, following me to the elevator and slips inside as it starts to close.

"Alex, look. I'm sorry. Sorry about what happened today. I was out of line and should have kept myself in check." She's nervous I can tell.

"Serena it wasn't entirely your fault, I just…" I sigh not really knowing what to say, "I just want to forget about it, ok?"

She looks at me expectantly. "I don't want this to change anything, between you and me."

"It won't. I just need to know how I can fix this." The elevator comes to a stop and we step out together and walk outside onto the street. Before we part she stops me.

"Even though I'm sorry for what happened…I can't say I regret it. I've wanted to do that for a long time and I just maybe thought you felt the same way."

"I was in a relationship, Serena. You knew that."

"Like I said… I'm sorry this happened." She turns and starts walking down the side walk, quickly blending in with the sea of people.

I start towards the parking garage and decide to cave and call you, praying that maybe you'll pick up. I highlight your name in my phone book and press send. With each ring my heart beats faster and faster, not knowing if you're going to pick up or not. "_Hey, you've reached Olivia Benson. Sorry I couldn't get to the phone but leave your name and number and I'll try to get back to you. BEEP"_

"Umm…Olivia…" I don't know what to say, only, "Please call me when you get this. I want to talk to you. What happened today was…I don't know how to describe it. Please Liv, call me…" I snap my phone close and sigh, running my hand through my hair. I guess all I can do now is wait.

* * *

I open my apartment door and just stand there. Dark and empty. Exactly how I feel inside. The scary thing is I might have to get used to this, coming home to nothing. On a special day where you would know I had been working hard, you would beat me home and make a romantic dinner for me, give me a massage afterward to ease my stress, and do other more pleasurable things to achieve the same goal. Now, I all I see is a darkened space.

I drop my briefcase at the door and go straight to my room, willing my eyes not to look around my empty living room, my empty kitchen. I strip into dark colored sweats and a Harvard shirt I've had for more years than I care to admit. I lie in bed and stare at the ceiling. How did I get to this? Alone in a bedroom that's used to seeing your face next to mine, resting peacefully on a pillow, your arms around me comfortably. This is crazy. I shouldn't just sit here and feel sorry for myself. If anything I should fight for you. I hate how this whole thing turned on me. Suddenly I'm the one searching for answers. All your indiscretions seem like nothing to what you walked in on this morning. If I were to walk in on you in the same situation, I'm not sure I would want anything to do with you. I'd probably throw all your stuff out in the hallway and tell you to come pick it up.

I roll onto my side and stare at the clock on my night stand for several minutes with lack of something else more entertaining to do. 7:35...7:54...8:13. I move onto my back and feel tears sting down my cheeks. I wipe them away angrily, but not sure who I'm mad with. I can't blame Serena entirely, it takes two to tango. I can't blame you for having the worst timing ever. All I can do is blame myself. _Stop feeling bad for yourself and do something about this. Alexandra Cabot doesn't self pity, she takes action. _I sit up in bed and decide enough is enough. Without thinking I grab the nearest pair of jeans and a light weight track jacket. I jog to the door, grabbing my keys off the bar.

* * *

I reach your building thirty minutes later. I don't even hesitate in using your key this time as I force it in. I storm to the elevator and press your floor number. I contemplate on what I'm going to say, but quickly stop myself and decide that whatever comes out at the time will just come out. The elevator chimes to tell me I've reached your floor. I step out and my adrenaline immediately disappears. I feel myself start to get nervous and will my feet to take steps forward. Your hallway is silent and I'm starting to think maybe I should just go home and let this blow over. Let you talk to me when you're ready. _Oh, please Cabot. _

I get to your door and force my hand to knock. My heart refuses to keep its natural steady rhythm as I hear you yell 'one second'. Your door opens and my heart drops. You look at me as if you were expecting me to come. Your brows furrowed making a face that says this will be hard.

"Yes, Alex?"

"I wanted to know if we could talk. Can…can I come in?" My eyes are pleading with you, begging you.

"What do you want to talk about?" You say, not moving.

"Us?"

"There's nothing to say."

"You don't think our relationship is something to talk about?"

"That depends if there even is a relationship."

"What are you saying?"

You take a deep sigh and avert your eyes. "Alex, there is nothing you can say that can take back what happened today. You know, when I got back to the station, I just kept thinking of how much of a fool I was. I saw the signs that you and her might be more than friends-"

"Liv…"

"I mean, I saw the way she looked at you. How she would linger just a tad bit too long around you. How she would take you out saying she just wants 'a little girl time between you and her'. I guess I just didn't see that the feeling was mutual." You look me straight in the eye and it's hard not to break your strong stare.

"Olivia, I…me and Serena, there's nothing going on. That was the first and last time we kissed. I have no feelings for her." my voice begs you to believe it. "Can I just explain myself, please? Let me in?"

You look at me and then to the door knob you've been cradling this whole conversation. I hear the elevator chime and you look towards it. I follow your gaze and my eyes fall upon a very familiar face.

Lisa.

She walks towards us with a smirk on her face and a swing in her hips. When she comes to a stop beside me I look at you, not really sure what I'm expecting to see.

"So…this is it?" I ask you, my voice breaking.

"_I just need someone to talk to_." Sarcasm drips from every syllable.

I feel like my heart is physically breaking inside me when you move slightly to let her in. She gives me a quick sly wink before she disappears into your apartment. You avert your eyes, not able to look at me. You know this is wrong, you know it. I don't know what to say. We stand there awkwardly until you break the silence.

"Alex, maybe you should go." You say, looking at the ground between us and I find myself doing the same thing. The tears start to fall and I don't even bother wiping them.

Barely above a whisper, I manage, "Liv, please…don't do this."

You look at me as if you might say something, but think better of it. "Good night, Alex."

You close the door and I'm left alone in your silent hallway. I feel…lost. Helpless. This is it. It's over. I look at my key ring and finger your key around it. Slowly I take it off and stare at the small piece of metal. There's no reason for me to have this. You're heart doesn't belong to me anymore.

I bend down and place it under your mat, staying there for what seems like hours. Finally I get up and make my way towards the elevator.


	5. Chapter 5

Last night, when I got home from your apartment, I simply climbed in bed and cried myself to sleep. I felt like I failed. That this Lisa came and tampered with our once solid relationship and I let her. I wonder what you and her did last night. On second thought, I don't want to know. I don't want to think of you in someone else's arms. Someone else touching you the way I used to touch. Loving you the way I used to love.

When I woke up this morning I felt like hell. All my power was used to just get myself out of bed and force myself to start my day. I took a long hot shower to symbolically wash myself of you, to get the red out of my eyes from sobbing.

Stepping off the elevator and on my way to the office, my secretary catches me off guard.

"Good morning, Alexandra. You look… tired. Long night last night?"

"Yeah, something like that." I mumble, taking my messages from her and going through them quickly.

"Ms. Southerlyn is in your office. I told her she could wait for you if that's ok."

My head snaps up at her, but I quickly cool my nerve. The last person I want to see is Serena right now.

I will myself to start towards my office before I come up with a good excuse not to. I open the door and see Serena with her back turned towards me as she fingers the wood at the corner of my desk. Walking in slowly, I put my brief case down which startles her as she turns to see. She has that same sheepish look she had the day when you barged into my office, the day you caught us…

I close the door and move towards my desk as she watches. Sitting down I grab my pen and open the next manila folder that has graced my desk.

"Alex…" she says barely above a whisper, so I ignore it. "Alex we need to talk about what happened." She says louder.

"What is there to say, Serena?"

"Come on, Alex. Let's not act like nothing happened." She comes to the side of my desk and looks down at me.

Without looking up from the folder I respond, "Serena look, there is nothing to discuss. I had a moment of weakness and I would really like if we could drop this."

"So are you going to tell me that for one second you didn't think that what we did felt… right?"

Her question hangs in the air. I look in her eyes and I find…fear and I'm left with nothing to say. I think a while and respond carefully.

"Serena…if you were to ask me this question several months ago and the same circumstance happened, I would have said yes, but… going through this whole ordeal now makes me realize just how much my feelings were false." I sigh and remove my glasses. "I won't deny that I did at one point have an attraction towards you. It seems innocent then when there is just slight flirting and no one's getting hurt, but then I met Olivia. Even though I felt something in that kiss, those feelings don't over compensate for the pain I felt afterwards knowing that I hurt her. I love Olivia. Plain and simple. Even though…it doesn't matter now." I trail off, the realization hitting me like a ton of bricks.

"Alex, please believe me when I say…I didn't intentionally mean to come between you and Olivia..."

"Serena, you knew I was in a relationship. You knew everything that happened between me and her. You knew how I felt, all my insecurities with our relationship, all the highs and lows. Can you seriously sit here and say that you felt that what you did was right?"

"That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying that what I did…just kind of came out. Every time I tried to suppress my feelings or make them go away it felt like they grew more and more. Alex, I'm sorry that I caused this between you and Olivia, and believe me when I say that if I could go back and change things I probably would."

"You told me yesterday that even though you were sorry, you didn't regret it." My tone remains firm.

"Yes, I know, but I realize just how much damage was caused with not only you and Olivia's relationship, but our friendship as well. I don't want to lose that." She looks one-hundred percent genuine and I can see that what she has said is true.

I sigh again and run my fingers through my hair. I don't want to lose her as a friend either but, can we get past this? I look her in the eyes to find them pleading with me desperately.

"Alex, could we just start over? Let me take you out for drinks tonight? Patch things up and maybe get our friendship back on the right track?" She gives me a small hopeful smile and I consider it. I guess to try to get things back to normal I have to start somewhere. Why not here?

"I'd like that, Serena. I really would." I give her a grin back. At least one thing in my life is going in the right direction.

"Great, I'll stop by after work. That ok with you?"

I nod yes as she stands erect smoothing out her suit.

"Good, I'll see you then."

As she crosses the threshold of my office, my smile fades, as for some reason my thoughts come to you. How we're not an "us" anymore. I look at the phone and remember when I used to jump when it rang. Hoping it was you. But now you've moved on. With Lisa. I could die right now knowing that if I could have just let things go and not fly off the handle at you the night she made the surprise visit to your apartment and took all of my anger out on you. That if I would have just gone home after that and kept to myself, I wouldn't even be in this situation.

No reason to dwell on the past. It's over. I guess I should try getting over you, but how? How do you get over someone who has invaded your every thought for the last nine months?

* * *

At the end of the day I write down some tactics to sway the jury on my most recent case. After I hit a dead end I look at the clock and realize that Serena could be here any second. I start to pack up my brief case as I hear a knock on the door. Serena comes in with her cell phone to her ear and motioning for me to come on. Grabbing my coat, I head for the door and lock it.

"Sorry about that," she says hanging up the phone and pressing the button to summon the elevator, "So, I want to take you to this little pub I used to go to. Has good atmosphere, and I think it's close to your house as well."

"Perfect." I give her a smile. I can definitely use a drink with a friend right now. I don't really feel like going home to an empty apartment, but never the less, we head there so I can change into something more comfortable.

When we get to the bar I realize it's a charming little place that quickly grows on me. Small in size and packed with people, but not to the point where it's uncomfortable. We sit at the bar and Serena orders a gin and tonic while I go for the regular martini.

"This actually is a nice little place." I say as the bartender starts making our drinks.

"I knew you'd like it. I stopped going here for some reason, although I can't remember why…" she trails off as she reaches for her drink. I grab mine and start to look around. The place is really alive and the music is fantastic. Not too wild, but just right for the people who are here to really relax. It has a warm cozy feel to it. A place I'm sure…me and Olivia would really enjoy…

The bartender gives us our drinks and we start talking about office gossip: how she thinks our runner boy is fighting for the same rainbow flag we're fighting for and also how she's taken a fancy to my secretary. In a way I feel a twinge of jealousy, but I immediately shake it off knowing that the best thing for Serena, and in some form me, to do is to move on.

Before I know it an hour has gone by and the bar is still alive with the same vibe it seems it's had for hours. Serena is on her fifth drink while I'm still nursing my second, vowing that I wouldn't get more than tipsy tonight. Just want to relax.

Serena's train of thought is suddenly broken as she turns towards the crowd.

"Oh, now I remember why I stopped coming here…" I look at Serena and see her watching a woman walk up to us. She's tall with raven black hair and I can tell Serena is uncomfortable and yet a little excited.

"Haven't seen you in a while." She says with a husky voice. I watch Serena squirm as she replies.

"Yeah, I guess I can say the same to you."

"Who's your friend?" She says eyeing me up and down.

"Alex, this is Heather. Heather, Alex."

"Nice to me you." I say giving a slight smile.

"Likewise." she gives one back and turns to Serena. "So I was wondering if an old friend could ask you for a dance."

"Umm…" Serena looks at me and I give her the nod to go ahead and she gets up like her pants are on fire. I laugh at her clumsy exit and sit back with my drink, watching people dance. One particular couple looks like they don't even notice their surroundings, like it's only them who exist. The way he holds her hips and the way she smiles at him. I miss that…

I quickly shake those thoughts out my head and look around in another direction from the two. The song changes and I see Serena coming towards me through the sea of people.

"What happened to your friend?" I ask with a smirk, knowing Heather is obviously more than that.

"Had to go. Early day for her tomorrow." she says, asking the bartender for bottled water.

"So are you going to give me the story on her or shall we just play 20 questions?"

"Well…" she says with a smile opening the bottle, "She's an ex of mine. We started dating for a while, but it didn't work out for some reason. I stopped coming here because it used to remind me of her. We used to come here every Friday to release the stress from the week."

"Hmmm…seems legitimate." I say with a smirk and check my watch for the time as Serena watches me.

"You want to call it a night? I'm about ready to crash myself."

"Yeah, I'm ready." I say grabbing my purse.

We walk outside and Serena hails a cab down after several failed attempts and we get in. She tells the cabbie my address and we speed off while she presses on to tell me how her and Heather's relationship used to be and how she would like it now but, obstacles get in the way. Obviously I am in no position to give good advice so I just tell her to follow her heart and if it was meant to be then it will happen. I like that we're back on track of being friends without all the complicated things attached. I didn't think we could rebuild our friendship after what happened, but I'm glad to see the duck tape is still holding.

Before I know it we're at my apartment. I grab my purse as Serena tells the cab to hold for a minute as she insists on walking me up. The night air is bitter and cold but the heat from my building melts it away as soon as we enter. We get into the elevator and Serena tells me how she's going to have to do some homework over the weekend which we both wrinkle our nose at. No matter how many times we said our careers wouldn't consume every hour of our lives, it seems like it always does.

I hear the bell that signals we're on my floor and my heart sinks the moment the doors open. As I walk out I see a dark figure leaning against my apartment door. It's hard for me to make out who it is, but as the persons head turns towards us, the figure becomes more and more familiar. And that's when I realize…

"Hi, Olivia." Serena says nervously, giving you a slight wave.

You give her a head nod and straighten up the slack position you were in against my door. You look from me to her and give her a look as your fist ball up. There's an awkward silence and I don't know what to do with myself. Serena obviously doesn't know either as she quickly takes her exit to avoid anymore of the cold stare you're giving her.

"Well it's been fun." she says hugging me, giving a quick kiss to my cheek and I see your head slowly drop, "I'll see you Monday, ok?"

"Yeah, I'll see you Monday."

Serena rescues herself by sticking her arm in the elevator door seconds before it closes and darts in…leaving us alone in the hallway. I don't move. We stare at each other not saying a word for only seconds, but it feels like hours. I wait for you to say something, anything. Like maybe explanations of why you're at my apartment after you basically tell me you want nothing to do with me.

I take my keys out and head for the door, planning to just ignore you.

"Can we talk?" You say barely above a whisper. Your voice is thick as if you've been crying.

"Oh, now you want to talk?" I say opening the door and standing on the other side making sure it's not open enough for you to think you have permission to enter. Your eyes are slightly puffy and I wonder if you've been crying all day, the same way you had me crying all of last night.

"Alex, I'm done fighting and not talking and ignoring each other…I just really want to talk to you."

"Wow, this conversation seems really familiar to me. Only our positions were switched and I don't have a hot ex swinging her hips down my hallway and into my apartment." Your head drops as you start shifting your feet.

"Nothing happened that night…between Lisa and me."

"I really don't want to hear this." I try to close the door but your arm catches it. Your eyes travel deep into my soul as you plead with me once more.

"Alex, I've made the biggest mistake I have ever made in my adult life and I want to at least explain myself so please, let me in? Please?" Once again my hardball persona chips right in front of you. My heart takes another unexpected leap as I let you in. You walk slowly as if I'm going to change my mind any second. I close the door and take off my jacket as you take a quick look around as if you haven't been here in months.

"So, you and Serena have a…a good time tonight?" you say with a sigh and I can tell you don't even want to hear the answer.

"We did actually," I say walking towards the refrigerator, "You want anything to drink?"

"No." You whisper absently and take a seat on the couch in the living room. I decide not to have anything to drink as well and follow your lead. I sit on the opposite end of the couch which still isn't that far from you. I feel that you're anxious and nervous and I can tell I am too by my trembling hands. What will this talk bring us? I'm not sure. Apparently you don't have much of a clue either as you try to speak.

"I don't really know where to start…" you say with a heavy sigh, "About what happened last night…I'm sorry. I treated you wrong and…I guess I just got ahead of myself a little…" 

"A little?" I say with a raised eyebrow. You make a small laugh, but your expression turns serious quickly as you look deep into my eyes.

"Alex, nothing happened last night. After she got there she was trying to seduce me and take my clothes off, but I… just wasn't with it. I spent that whole night crying and talking about you…" Your eyes look into the couch as if it's the only thing giving you the strength to press on, "That's when I realized I made the dumbest decision in the world, not letting you in."

"Liv, tell me something," I say with a surprisingly gentle tone, "Do you still have feelings for her?"

You take a long pause as you try to get your thoughts together and then with as much conviction as you can muster, you answer me.

"In all honesty, when she first arrived and we spent that dinner together…I did feel like I had feelings for her…I felt like we were back in old times when everything went well and we were happy but…the minute she walked into my apartment last night and you walked towards the elevator and out of my life, I realized that…my feelings for her don't even nearly come close to how much I love you. I love you, Alex. I love you with all my heart. With her I was just holding onto something that was my past, something that can never be anymore and I don't want it to be. Not as long as I have you."

Your eyes don't move from mine, telling me that you meant every word. I don't even notice I've started crying until you reach up to wipe a tear from my cheek.

"Why didn't you let me in?"

Your eyes get dark and find the couch again as you pull away a little. You run your hand through your short locks and sigh.

"The whole…kissing Serena thing…" you trail off and my head drops a little. I almost forgot you're not the only one in the wrong here. "When I walked in and saw that, I was…I don't know…"

"You must know Liv, it really didn't mean anything. I swear to you." I say desperate for you to believe it. You don't say anything and I'm scared that maybe you realize coming back here was a mistake. Your next words are spoken slowly and carefully, as though you're concentrating on every syllable.

"Alex, answer me truthfully. You and Serena…did anything…happen between you two?"

Without hesitation. "No, nothing happened that night."

"Explain that kiss to me," you say non-sarcastically as if there really is something to explain. I can tell your anger is rising. "Tell me what happened that night that led up to kissing her that morning."

Your stare is making my eyes burn and I turn them away. I've never felt so uncomfortable. To sit and explain exactly what's been going on…do I tell you that I actually had an attraction to her even though it doesn't matter now? I figure I will just tell you what you asked for, what happened that night.

"After we fought outside the station, I called her and told her I needed someone to talk to. I went over and…we talked. She said it was late and that I should spend the night over her place, so I did."

"In the same bed?"

"Well…yes."

"And nothing happened." You ask incredulously in more of a statement than a question.

"No, nothing happened."

"Did you…want something to happen?"

I pause for a moment and actually think about it. _Did I want something to happen between me and Serena? Or was I just so mad that I didn't care? In a way I don't feel as if I really had strong feelings for her. It was more of…a small infatuation. _I start to evaluate this but must be taking too long as I see you start to stand up out the corner of my eye.

"Liv?"

"You're hesitating. That's really all the answer I need." You put your hands in your pockets and stare down at me on the couch and I can tell your about to go for the door but before you take your first step I quickly stand and grab your wrist, making sure you don't move.

"Liv, don't."

"Don't what, Alex?"

"No."

"No?"

"The answer is no."

"You sure?"

"Liv…"

"Did she want something to happen?"

"I…I don't know."

"You don't know?" Your temper is rising and I can tell that this subtle talk is going to turn quickly into a raging argument but…wait a minute…

"How is this any different from Lisa wanting you?"

"She's not someone I work with, Alex. I'm not constantly by her side!"

"Liv, I can't control what and how she feels-"

"But you can control if you're in her bed or not." Your words are like fire that burns straight to my heart. I will myself to stay strong.

"You're acting as if I actually did something wrong that night! All I did was sleep in her bed, that's all!"

"But do you not remember me walking into your office and seeing your tongue down her throat?!"

We stare at each other as if it's a standoff, but you quickly get frustrated and try to go for the door.

"Liv." I try to grab for your hand, but you snatch it away harshly and continue for the door.

"Olivia!" My voice is stern and forceful and it makes you stop in your tracks. You slowly turn to look at me.

"Liv, that day…was a mistake. Plain and simple. No, I did not want anything to happen and yes, she probably did. Serena and I have already talked about this issue and are doing our best to repair our friendship as best we can and now I'm asking the same from you. Olivia…you mean the world to me. You know that. And when Lisa came and threatened to take you away from me, I got…scared. I didn't know your feelings for her and didn't know if I was going to lose you, but at the end it seems like I'm the one that pushed you further into her arms. This whole crisis has put things in perspective and frankly Liv…I don't want to lose you. I'm sorry, and I want to start over. Can you give me that chance? Please?"

You look from me to the floor and I can tell you're still a little apprehensive. You move your lips as if you want to say something, but close them just as quick.

"Olivia, please?" I try one last time, basically pleading with you.

"Just promise me something." You say barely above a whisper.

"Anything."

"That you won't stray away from me…when things get bad. We both…have made bad decisions and I don't like feeling this way. I just want us to be able to talk openly and honestly. Not holding back feelings."

I shrug. "You have to promise me the same though. Watching Lisa go into your apartment that night was…I don't know…especially after you swore nothing was going on. How do you think that was supposed to make me feel?"

"Alex…" You reach for my chin and lift my head staring me right in my soul. "I'm so, so sorry. I honestly am. I was just angry and…frustrated and wasn't thinking, but I promise I don't need any other woman in my life. I just want you."

Your proximity is almost too much to bare as I feel myself gravitating towards you and you quickly close the distance between us.

Your kiss sends a shockwave right to my core. I miss this. I miss you. Your tongue traces my lower lip and pulls it in as you suck softly, deepening the kiss.

You slowly pull away and my eyes are still closed when I hear you speak.

"You didn't promise me yet." I open my eyes to your grin that has turned sweet.

"I promise that even if it's late…I'll always come home. Even when I'm at your house stuck in a Lifetime movie."

"Oh, that's funny to you?" You giggle reaching for my sides and tickling me gently.

"Oh gosh, stop!" I can barely breathe when you bring me into your arms. A warm embrace. Home.

I wrap my arms around your neck and give you a small kiss to the lips, savoring the feel of you, the fragrance that is uniquely you.

"I promise I will always come to you and talk about my insecurities. No matter how hard it may be."

"I'd like that." You give me a smile and kiss me sweetly. Your hands on my hips pull me against you. The feel of your body makes my skin vibrate and I lose myself in the touch of your lips.

"So…you know what this calls for?" You say licking your lips.

"What would that be?" I say grinning, knowing exactly what you're thinking and feeling my body come alive in anticipation.

You bite your bottom lip and take my hand nudging me towards the bedroom as you make me lead the way and I gladly do so.

…but something is still bothering me in the back of my mind…


	6. Chapter 6

Lying on my stomach, I feel the last shutters of my most recent orgasm cease. A smile comes to my face as I see your olive skin in my peripheral. You're propped up on one elbow on your side and I faintly feel your fingers caressing my back.

"I love you." You say, as you kiss my shoulder.

"Mmm, you too." The adrenaline is leaving my body, causing the sudden cold to wash over me. I watch your half lidded eyes as they trace across my back.

As much as I would love to say that everything from here is resolved and understood, there is still one problem that we didn't discuss.

"Olivia…we still need to talk."

"About?"

"The key."

Your fingers come to a halt on my skin and I can see the panic in your eyes. In a way, I don't want to talk about this. I want to stay blissfully happy with you and live in this moment, but I know if I let this pass it will eat at me until I get a proper explanation. You take a deep breath and rest your hand on my partly covered hip.

"Alex, I said I was sorry. Could we just drop it? Please?" Your eyes are begging me and I almost tell you to just forget about it, but my common sense won't allow me as I shake my head no.

You take another deep breath and sigh. "It just happened. Honestly. I didn't even think about it when I gave her the key. She seemed like she just really needed someone to talk to and…I told her I was here for her."

"And you couldn't do that by a phone call?"

You give me a 'come on now' look and stare off towards the wall. "I just wanted to help her."

"And you thought that giving her a key to your apartment was going to be ok with me? When were you going to tell me because I feel like you weren't." I try to keep a harsh tone out of my voice. As much as I would like to get all the answers, I don't want another argument.

"To tell you the truth, the more I thought about it…I kinda felt like… it wasn't your business."

"Excuse me?" I say, rising off the bed slightly.

"I just thought that what Lisa and I were going through was between me and her and that we would figure it out eventually."

"I can't even believe I'm hearing this," I say with shock on my face. "None of my business? Seriously, Olivia?"

"Alex, I'm telling you what I was thinking then-."

"You think that giving a woman of whom you spent two and a half years of your life with a key to your apartment so that you could figure out your 'relationship' is none of your current girlfriends business?! What If I gave Serena a key and I never told you and you walked in on us with her shirt half off sitting peacefully on my couch? How would you feel?"

"I don't know. I'm guessing it might feel something like when I walked into your office and her tongue was half way down your throat. Maybe something like that?" You look at me, challenging me to say something. "Alex, I realize now that giving her a key without telling you was wrong. Very wrong in fact. I'm telling you what I was thinking at the time."

"You say that as if you were thinking at all…" I say, burying my face in the pillows. "I don't think you realize what that key meant when you gave it to me in that little velvet box that night. It meant so much because it showed we were growing as a couple and that you trusted me with everything you own. Then you just give it to her after she's been out of your life for over a year and now has suddenly reappeared for three days." I breathe out heavily, not knowing I was holding in anything.

"Alex, look at me. Please?" I turn my face to look into your soft brown eyes and I feel my heart lighten. "I'm sorry. I don't know how many times I can say it to truly let you know just how sorry I am, but I'm sorry. I took back the key when she came over the other night."

"Really?"

"Really. Alex, I love you. I mean that from the bottom of my heart, you know that. I just want to make you happy. I know I haven't been succeeding lately, but if there is something that you want me to change to make you smile, I will."

I give you a soft smile. "Well…I want you to stop talking to her."

"I think she pretty much got the point the other night," You say with a smile, "I told her that it was over. That I never want to see her again." Your eyes suddenly drop and your body language is reading uncomfortable and I'm wondering what's next to come out of your mouth. "Alex, can I ask you something?"

"Anything." I say, propping myself up on both elbows.

"I'm not asking this to be difficult, but…why was it a problem for Lisa and me to just talk? I mean at that point we were barely friends…what happened?"

I look down into the pillow below me and debate on what to say. A past I swore would never get involved in my future. I guess it's easier said than done. I take a deep breath and try to begin.

"Before you, I dated a woman named Robyn. She was very bright, very smart, inspired, driven, gorgeous-."

"I get it." You say with a light laugh.

"She was everything I could have asked for at the time. She had this 'friend' named Addison. They were very close and had been friends for a very long time. Well…," I sigh and try my best to continue, "We were living together in a small but very cozy apartment at the time and one night I came home late working on one of my very first cases. I opened the front door and yelled out for Robyn and the next thing I see is Addison coming out of our bedroom looking disheveled. She was pulling down her blouse and trying to fix her hair and I later see Robyn emerge from the bedroom doing the same.

"I…excused it. Even though I was very hurt by it, but I felt like in a way it was my fault. If she was going to go behind my back with another woman, I must be doing something wrong. So I busted my ass to please her. Made sure she was satisfied in any and every way. I just wanted her to see that she didn't need another woman. I wanted to be enough for her."

A tear spills from my eye and you wipe it away, rubbing my back in courage to continue.

"Well, a month after that I was having one of those very stressful days and decided to take the rest of the day off and head home early. That's when I found them fully in the act. Naked. Addison on top and Robyn saying things to her I thought were only reserved for me." I sigh once more and press on. "Robyn didn't even have the decency to try and put her clothes on. She simply told me that Addison was her ex, something she kept from me all along, and told me that they were getting back together. She wanted me out of the apartment at the end of the week."

"Oh, Alex…I had no idea…" you say rubbing my back as another tear flows freely.

"That's when I decided that I would never be pushed over like that again. That I would never let something pass to just avoid confrontation. That's when I switched from defense to prosecution."

You give me a small smile. "So I should really thank this Robyn for giving me the prosecuting 'Ice Princess'?"

I give you a small smile. "You should thank her for a lot of things. I am a stronger woman because of that relationship. So, do you see why I freaked out when Lisa was in your apartment half naked?"

"I see…" you say, returning your fingers to my back. "Alex, I want you to know that I will never intentionally hurt you. Ever. This Robyn sounds really ungrateful and in my opinion, didn't deserve you at all," you reach down and give me a searching kiss that leaves me breathless, "You are all the woman I need. You ARE enough for me."

You give me another deep kiss and I feel my body come alive once more. I start to move my body towards you, but your grasp on my hip stops me.

"Stay."

I feel your caresses along my spine and your kisses on the back of my neck. Goosebumps rise where the trail of your fingers leave. I can feel your lips and tongue drifting down my skin and all the way to the top of my buttocks. You give a big open mouthed kiss to where my cheek meets my back and I moan in pleasure. I can feel your smile in my skin and it makes me form one of my own.

"Turn over."

You're on top of me and lift yourself a little to allow me room to move. Your lips are now at my navel, giving me kisses and letting your tongue dip inside. You give me a very seductive grin as you snake your way up my body and use your leg to spread mine. Another soul searching kiss is delivered to my lips as I feel my body arch towards yours. You move your thigh and give delightful pressure to my core and I moan in anticipation, knowing what your teasing will bring me. You take both my hands in each of yours and lift them over my head, lacing our fingers together.

"I love you." You say to me as you give a hard thrust with your thigh into my center.

"Oh God…" I whimper, feeling a familiar shutter come over my body as you set a deep rhythm. It's slow, but powerful and every thrust is taking me higher and higher. My breathing is becoming ragged as I feel that familiar tingle in my core. I want you deeper and I thrust my hips to meet your every stroke, making you go harder. I open my mouth to tell you exactly what my body is craving, but suddenly a bolt of pleasure rips through me...

"Fuck, Liv…oh God!" A powerful orgasm shakes my body and I can barely feel my hips still thrusting to your rhythm. You don't let up and let me ride out my pleasure giving me a deep kiss, sucking in my lower lip. I can barely control my breathing as I feel one of your hands leave mine and drift down my body. They come to rest on my nipple and I feel your thumb and forefinger twist it lightly and then tweak it hard.

"Ahhh!" I scream as I feel my body pick up right where it left off. I feel my hips thrust towards you once more, but you move your thigh away, denying me the pleasure.

"Have I ever told you just how much I love to hear you scream my name?" you whisper seductively in my ear. I feel you lick my earlobe and pull it into your mouth, heightening my arousal.

"Mmmmm, no." I say closing my eyes and losing myself in your touch as your hand drifts south.

"I do. I love when you scream my name. I love when you whisper it. I love when your finger nails dig into me right when you're about to come. I love the sharp intake of breath you make every time I hit the right spot…" you say as your fingers run through my trimmed curls, "but most of all, I love how you scream my name…"

Your two digits slide deep inside me without warning. I grab onto your shoulder and meet your strokes with my body.

"Jesus… Liv!" My head's thrown back and I can feel the oxygen leave my body. Your rhythm is hard at first, but you slacken when you feel I'm almost there and then back up again.

You almost have me to the edge and I pray that you let me this time, but as soon as my body arches…you slacken your thrust.

"Olivia...please?" I beg you, needing you deep inside me. I caress down your arm and come to rest on the hand that's mercilessly teasing me. I try to push you into me, but to no avail. My breathing is once again ragged and my need is becoming more and more unbearable by the second. "Please?"

Then, suddenly I'm full of you once more as your fingers stroke me deep, curling the tips to touch that spot only you can reach. I hear a scream not knowing if it's yours or mine as I break the grasp of the hand that still has me pinned to the mattress and hold your body close to me. Your rhythm is strong, almost bringing tears to my eyes. My hand is trembling as I try to cling onto your sweat glistening frame. My lips latch onto your neck to help smother my screams, but the pleasure is too much as I feel my second climax hit and rack my body hard.

"Oh yes! Liv!" My entire body feels like it's on air. The pleasure almost feels overwhelming. Your fingers slowly come to a stop as you lick and nip at my neck, slowly traveling south.

I feel like I can never seem to catch enough breath as your tongue strokes my nipple back to attention. The pebbled peak feels so good as you pull it into your mouth and let your teeth rake across it. Your lips once again travel to my navel as I feel my body flush from the attention.

"Liv…I don't think I can…" I say breathlessly, my eyes closed shut. My body feels so spent, I'm not sure I can have another…

"Oh, you will…"

You give my clit one flick with your tongue for warning and suddenly it's deep inside me. My hands fist the sheets as I feel my body climbing once more.

"Shit…this is… ridiculous!" My body feels like it's on fire as your tongue strokes me. Playing my body like chords to a guitar. You've always been able to give me multiple orgasms, but three in a row? You laugh lightly and give my clit a few flicks with your tongue.

"Your body wants what your body wants. And I am more than willing to satisfy it." You say seductively before you once again pull my entire clit in your mouth and suck hard…and that's all it takes...

"Olivia!" The most powerful orgasm of the night explodes through my body as I feel my legs go numb all the way down to my toes. Your tongue continues to lap at my center as I will my body to stop shaking. I can softly feel your lips on my inner thigh, waiting for me to come down.

My eyes are still closed, but your light laugh makes me struggle to open them as I pray to God for air. I barely feel you slide up my skin as you startle me with your lips on my neck.

"You ok, baby?" Your smug grin on your face makes me want to hit you.

"Have I ever told you how much I hate it when you say that?" I ask, breathing finally becoming a normalcy.

"I can't help it. Your body looks so sexy post orgasm." You smile, giving me a kiss and wiping away the tears I long forgot fell.

I start to think of how I got so lucky to have you. How I was dumb enough to let outside forces come and meddle with our relationship. Going through these troubling times makes me realize just how strong our relationship is. How strong I am as a person. And how beautiful and understanding you can be.

You look deep into my eyes, your grin turning from self-righteous to adoring as your thumb strokes my cheek, and in an instant I see tears of your own coming to your eyes. You try and blink them away, but they fall nevertheless. My heart automatically melts when you whisper…

"I love you Alexandra Cabot. Don't you ever forget that."

* * *

Fin


	7. Alternate Ending

"Olivia!" The most powerful orgasm of the night explodes through my body as I feel my legs go numb all the way down to my toes. Your tongue continues to lap at my center as I will my body to stop shaking. I can softly feel your lips on my inner thigh, waiting for me to come down.

My eyes are still closed, but your light laugh makes me struggle to open them as I pray to God for air. I barely feel you slide up my skin as you startle me with your lips on my neck.

"You ok, baby?" Your smug grin on your face makes me want to hit you.

"Have I ever told you how much I hate it when you say that?" I ask, breathing finally becoming a normalcy.

"I can't help it. Your body looks so sexy post orgasm." You smile, giving me a kiss and wiping away the tears I long forgot fell.

I start to think of how I got so lucky to have you. How I was dumb enough to let outside forces come and meddle with our relationship. Going through these troubling times makes me realize just how strong our relationship is. How strong I am as a person. And how beautiful and understanding you can be.

You look deep into my eyes, your grin turning from self-righteous to adoring as your thumb strokes my cheek, and in an instant I see tears of your own coming to your eyes. My heart automatically melts when you whisper…

"I love you Alexandra Cabot. Don't you ever forget that."

"I won't. Ever. I love you." I smile up at you and kiss your tears away before you lay on your back and motion for me to follow.

I rest my hand across your stomach as you caress my arm. Holding me close. I smile to myself, knowing that this is a brand new start for us. We can move forward from this and start planning out our future. Maybe even move in together. We never really talked about it, but I'm sure you wouldn't be opposed to it…

I'm pulled out of my train of thought as I feel your body language change underneath me. You have an expression on your face as if you're deep in thought and I'm curious as to what caused your sudden mood change.

"Liv?"

You don't answer me. The hand that was once stroking my arm is now tapping non-rhythmically with its fingers.

"Liv, what's wrong?"

"Robyn…your ex…was her last name Gaines?"

I think to myself and try to figure out how you would know…

"Yes, Liv. Why?"

"She left a message on your machine……about five days ago."

"She what?"

* * *

Fin


End file.
